A Mom's Humor

Passive Aggressive

1/12/2015

I guess you could say that I am more of an aggressive-aggressive person. I tend to be direct. This does not always get received well by those who tend to be more passive aggressive.

The problem I have with people that are passive-aggressive is that you never quite know where you stand with them. Are they mad? Are they sad? Do they care? So, when in their presence, it is a constant guessing game. I can't help but feel this is an intentional manipulation on their part. This, of course, brings out the aggressive side of me. If you are upset with me, I would prefer you to tell me so that it can be dealt with and we can all move on.

It also must be very tiring being passive-aggressive. Internalizing all the hurt and anger could cause a person to blow up. If you have ever dealt with someone that is chronically passive-aggressive, you know what I am talking about. Here are a few signs.

1) They simply pretend the problem doesn't exist.

2) They fail to act when it is crucial that they do.

3) When directly asked a question, they will simply not answer.

4) They will display their anger in small ways where it seems innocent, but the target of their anger clearly knows it is about them.

5) They chronically play the victim.

People should realize that failure to act when needed can be just as damaging then acting when no act is required. They do damage by simply doing nothing. Another word for this is "neglect".

As you could guess, this is a little bit of a personal rant. I am simply writing this in hopes that there is someone out there that understands the frustration of interacting with someone that is passive-aggressive to the extreme.

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Mental Illness

1/11/2015

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I am a mother that suffers from Bipolar. This presents unique problems. Mental illness still has a stigma associated with it. It isn't like saying I am a mother that has Diabetes or any other illness. It is something many people do not want to share with others.

I am in a constant fight with wanting to be a great mother while at the same time trying to rise above the symptoms associated with Bipolar. Some of those symptoms are depression, mania and anxiety. Yes, I do take medication. However, Like with any other illness, the medication isn't a cure-all. It helps with the symptoms but does not take them all away.

So, my hopes with this blog is to inspire others to have the confidence that they can be a great parent while also having a mental illness. The key is to stay on top of your illness. You can't let it get you down. I know that is easier said than done.

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Just for Attention

1/6/2015

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We have all heard and maybe used the phrase, "they are just doing that for attention". It can apply to anyone. However, I have a problem with the way people dismiss their children's behavior by saying this.

My biggest problem is that if parents recognize that their children do a certain behavior for "attention" they should take that as a sign that their child's needs are not being met. There is nothing wrong with anyone wanting attention. We all do. Often, the problem comes with how people go about getting that attention when their needs are not being met.

We might not be able to do much about a friend's outrageous behavior. We can do something about our child's. Maybe we think that we ARE giving them attention. Every personality is different. Sometimes it can be difficult to clue into just what our unique child is needing.

That is our obligation though. We have to try to figure that out.

How we respond is crucial for our child's development. If any of us think back to our own childhood, we could all pinpoint some instances when we felt our parents failed us. It could be a small thing.

My sister and I were six years apart. Needless to say, we weren't very good playmates. We lived on a farm so there were no neighborhood friends. I was alone a lot. My mom was not the type of mom to take us to activities or play dates. So, I craved someone to just play with me. Children need that.

I would beg my mom to just play a game with me. She would always have an excuse. It was a constant source of disappointment. So, when my children ask me to do things like that, I think back to my own feelings as a child. Regardless of how I feel, I will try to do something with them.

We really have to try to tune into our children and truly get to know them as individuals. Their needs may not be the same as ours. If they are displaying "attention-seeking" behavior, that's our cue to do something. That is their way of trying to get their needs met.

Our children are entitled to our attention. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing attention. I know I do.

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A Parent's Dilemma: "When do I..........."

1/4/2015

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New moms are full of questions. I was too when I had my first child over ten years ago. The questions usually start out "When do I....".

Some of the questions I would ask others is:
When do I introduce solid foods?
When do I introduce the sippy cup?
When do I begin potty training?

Then, there are the, "When should they", questions. You know.
When should they be sitting up?
When should they be crawling, walking and talking?

This is all natural. We want to be good parents and want to know if anything is wrong. What isn't natural is the competition and judgment. Us moms can be the worst critics and best supporters of other moms. The "mom world" is very dynamic. Being a mom is a privilege and puts us in our own little category.

It can turn ugly though-fast. We all know the hot topics-breastfeeding, immunizations and co-sleeping are a few of the big ones. I won't get into the actual topics because that would just be asking for trouble.

I will give the general rules I follow in my own parenting. I hope this might help put things in to perspective for others.

IS THIS CRITICAL TO THEIR DEVELOPMENT RIGHT NOW?

Before looking at what other children are doing, find out from a reliable source if your child should be doing this because, if they aren't, it would be a reason for concern.
For example:
Should your child be eating solid food?

Let's say you have a four month old and have talked to your friend that said they started their child eating solid food at four months. You have tried and your little one wants no part of it. What's wrong?

I would ask the parent in this situation to see if it is critical for your child to be eating RIGHT NOW. The answer to this situation would be that nothing is wrong with their child. Every baby is different. It is actually recommended that parents not introduce solids until their child is AT LEAST four months. Many doctors will recommend that babies be on milk for a solid six months.

In this situation, the fact that the baby is turning away solids at four months is not a big deal because IT IS NOT CRITICAL TO THEIR DEVELOPMENT RIGHT NOW.

AM I UNNECESSARILY CREATING A HABIT THAT WILL HAVE TO BE BROKEN LATER?

Diapers, bottles and breastfeeding are all "habits" that will eventually have to be broken. However, they are "necessary" habits. There really isn't any way to get around it.

However, sometimes we introduce habits "unnecessarily". We are all guilty of it. One big one is the pacifier. Yes, my children used a pacifier. My two youngest only used if for six months or less. My son is approaching a year and still using the pacifier. It is a habit that I am going to have to break. It won't be pretty, but it is of my own doing.

My point is that breaking children from "habits" is no fun for us as parents, but, more importantly, the children have a difficult time dealing with change. So, before I introduce something, I try to think long-term. I ask myself if it is something they can do/have for a long time or is it something I will have to take away? Is it worth it?

I felt the pacifier was worth it. When you aren't getting any sleep, if a pacifier brings comfort to the little one, then it is a small price. I would recommend breaking them of the habit early. Don't be like me!!! lol.

IS THIS SOMETHING THEY MUST BE TAUGHT NOW or IS IT SOMETHING THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY BE LEARNED ANYWAY?

There are certain things that we must teach children from an early age. Then, there are some things that we DO teach children, but they would eventually do on their own.

This is how I prioritize where to put my energy.

For Example: The mother of a three year-old is catching a little flack because their son is not yet potty-trained. Is she a lazy mom?

I look at potty-training as something I work on but not drive myself crazy about. They will eventually learn how to go potty in the toilet. However, I do worry about teaching them their manners and teaching them empathy. Those are things that have to be taught at an early age or may never be acquired.

So, no, this mom isn't necessarily lazy. She may not be focusing on it yet. Us mothers can't tackle everything at once. So, asking ourselves whether this will be something they will eventually learn to do anyway or is it something that has to be taught, can help us direct our focus to what is really important.

Before I start freaking out thinking my child isn't normal, I ask myself these three questions. I get the facts and find out how critical it is for my child's development that they be doing whatever it is. Then, I make sure I am not unnecessarily creating a bad habit. Finally, I prioritize my time. I devote the most time to the things that I have to teach them now, because, if I don't, no one else will.

I try not doing too much comparing. Really, all children are different. If your child is healthy and thriving, you are on the right path. We should support our fellow mom's and not judge them. It can be hard sometimes. I know. However, we know it isn't easy. We know we aren't perfect. So, it is best to take the good and leave the judgment.

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Can You See This?!

1/4/2015

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Well, as you can see from the bottom of this blog, I am trying to add a "Subscribe to Email" to my pages. I am totally new to embedding...when it comes to computers. I managed to put the embed code where it doesn't belong-at the bottom of my post. I was getting ready to write and got sidetracked by another blog. I thought I will just try to embed a code for email subscriptions real quick..... That was over an hour ago. I got it here where it shouldn't be.

As you can see, I am very new to blogging. I am hoping this will just be a funny memory in the not so distant future.

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"Into the Woods" Movie Review

1/3/2015

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I watched a few of the previews for the movie, "Into the Woods". I was actually quite excited to go see it with my girls. It has Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, Johnny Depp and Anna Kendrick just to name a few of the great actors/actresses. I was prepared for it to be a unique take on some classic fairy tales. However, there were some surprises that I wasn't prepared for.

The first and biggest surprise for me was that it is a musical. Now, I know to many that is a plus and not a negative. For me, it was a big negative. I am not a fan of musicals and couldn't help but be put off when I figured out that the singing was not going to end. In fact, most of the movie's story-line is in the music.

This movie syncs all of your favorite fairy tales together in one movie. You have Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Jack and the Bean Stalk and Rapunzel. Of course, it wouldn't be a fairy tale without the evil witch (Meryl Streep). She ties all the stories together by sending the Baker and his wife on a mission to break an evil spell that has been set upon him making it impossible for him to have offspring. Johnny Depp's performance is short-lived but grand all the same.

The biggest surprise comes at the end. I won't divulge too much as to not spoil it for you. However, I will say that it seems that the someone had a change of thought near the end of the movie and thought things were going to well so they decided to shake things up. It doesn't have the "happily ever after" that we would expect from a fairy tale. It does have a semi-happily ever. For me, the ending is what made this movie worth watching.

I never really got over the movie being a musical, but I liked it all the same. If you enjoy musicals, you will love the movie. The songs were written in such a story-like way that they truly told the story well. The plot twist at the end is what really made this an enjoyable tale for me. I would recommend this movie to people of all ages.

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Passive Aggressive

Mental Illness

Just for Attention

A Parent's Dilemma: "When do I..........."

Can You See This?!

"Into the Woods" Movie Review

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